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As of 4.00pm this afternoon, the candidates running in one of the quirkiest and most pointless of by-elections in British political history were confirmed. The person representing the Essex constituency in Parliament, one Nigel Farage (leader of the MAGA-esque Reform Party), had resigned as the MP for Clacton in an attempt to deflect attention from his own financial improprieties that are being investigated by a Parliamentary Standards Committee. We sang about those already (he was given £5m as a gift amid lots of other dodgy dealings that are now being scrutinised, and he’s getting very snippy in the media).
But the fact that all the other major parties saw through the stunt and refused to engage with his attempt to dress it up as a referendum on his character (or “The People vs The Establishment”) have now meant that his opposition consists only of the types of colourful/joke candidate that make a mockery of politics, often with fancy dress and satirical intent. So we thought we’d celebrate that, and mark the most bizarre and hilarious front-runner of the pack, who’s already caught the eye internationally in the news: Count Binface, who claims to be an intergalactic space warrior.
For info or context on these stories, including a fuller list of his remarkable manifesto pledges:
– https://theconversation.com/could-count-binface-actually-win-287611
– https://edition.cnn.com/2026/07/09/uk/nigel-farage-special-election-bin-face-intl
The song we’ve reworked felt right because it was released by Sting in 1987 to celebrate the famous eccentric icon Quentin Crisp – surprisingly not charting particularly highly initially – but has since become a staple.
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LYRICS
He’s not an MP, but he’s volunteered
He hiked across from Sigma IX
It isn’t clear what type of accent is at work
Kind of Austrian crossed with Turk
People gawking at his interviews
Count Binface don’t sneer or hide
A great galactic astronaut
Not some cryptoman who’s been bought
Oh, he’s an alien – not “illegal” alien
He’s a garbage can who can talk
Oh, he’s an alien – shiny and irreverent
He’s a garbage can who can talk
The panic of facing down a dustbin head
Seems a fear that oughtn’t weigh
But if your plan’s a stunt to camouflage a bribe
The ground swell in Clacton might give way
Oh, he’s an alien – wants a seat in Parliament
He’s a garbage can who can talk
Oh, he’s an alien – suddenly he’s relevant
He’s a garbage can stalking horse
Binface brought variety but not till now anxiety
Folk assumed he’s just a bit of fun
Now the coast is clear to see his rival’s impropriety
A mighty strong contender he’s become!
Not many policies to understand
He limits his housing pledge to one
The Count’s absurdities are never cash in hand
At least he didn’t take some massive bung
A by-election called by blunderheads
So their hero could parlay
And with a bin he must now bicker for a while
Pitiful, no matter what he say
Time will tell, now Clacton’s got a race
One’s a joke – the other’s a disgrace
Fare thee well, good luck to Count Binface
(oh, he’s an alien, not “illegal” alien, he’s a garbage can who can talk)
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Views: 11,637
Published: July 17, 2026
Channels: Marsh Family
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