Description:
King Charles arrived just a few hours ago on a diplomatic mission that has been ludicrously overegged, given the track record of the man he is visiting. So here’s our adaptation of a classic British Army marching song (that developed in the seventeenth century and became a staple in the eighteenth – including in the colonies and the Revolutionary War that saw the USA declare its independence). The British Grenadiers is a rousing tune – for many still a regimental quick march – and often a feature of the Trooping the Colour ceremony. Before people wring their hands at adapting it, it’s been a recurring theme throughout its history – including notoriously by Joseph Warren (his was called “Free America”) in 1774, just before the War of Independence began. We kept to some archaic language to give it the right feel, and had a stab at our own arrangement for who had instruments at home – though a hasty one, on a school night. There are references in there to scrofula, a recent UK ambassador and we removed powwow but kept kowtow after checking about usage and implications – but apologies if any offence caused. We’re thinking about recording a few like this in the run-up to the 250th anniversary, so this is a kind of test case :)
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LYRICS:
Some talk of Alexander, and some of Hercules
But neither great commander faced such adversities
For of all the world’s state bureaus, to Trump he must repair
Can he end a row with a raised eyebrow? Oh the British King is here!
Those heroes of antiquity ne’er faced such trials withal
First cancer then Prince Andrew – now this neanderthal
Bu-t our brave Charlie’s go-ing, his balls big as his ears
He will not kowtow cos he’s too highbrow, oh the British King is here!
Whene’er he hears a slander, he’ll form a stiff blockade
He’ll rally for poor Starmer, and subjects serenade
He’ll compliment new ba-llrooms, though ghastly their veneer
All smile and bow to the sacred cow, oh the British King is here!
A feat of acrobatics this great encounter shows
A king who’s democratic meets knave in Emperor’s clothes
No host was e’er so monstrous or caused such grief and fear
Don’t disavow – who’s the despot now? Not the British King that’s clear!
And when the visit’s over, a triumph they’ll declare
The press will cry “Hurrah, boys: all damage is repaired”
The royal touch has cured disease, a miracle’s appeared
And they’ll be wrong, like with Mandelson, cos a bent wheel can’t be steered
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THANKS SO MUCH TO PATREONS (HOWLERS below):
Jeremy Sedgley,
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Views: 7,952
Published: April 27, 2026
Channels: Marsh Family
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